The Daily Planet AJ

Trifling Annoyance of the Day: Inane Astrology Jokes

2004-08-17T02:14:16Z

Would it kill a writer to do a quick Google search to see if the stupid joke they're writing makes sense?
Watching the Olympics (I'm a junkie), flipping between CBC and NBC. NBC starts a piece on swimmer Natalie Coughlin by mentioning that her birthday is next week, which is notable because "to see her swim, you'd think she was an Aquarius!"
So, the joke is comparing a swimmer to a water bearer, a man who holds a giant jug of water, which is ignorant and thus makes the joke only fit for people who don't know anything about the signs, and yet requires that they know enough to get that anyone born next week would not have an Aquarian Sun sign.
Le Sigh.
If the person had taken even a minute to think it through, they would chosen, oh, I dunno, maybe a Water sign that actually does live in the freakin' water. Like, "That makes her a Leo, which is surprising, cuz you'd think she was a Pisces--she swims like a fish! Ba da bum!"
[/me bangs head into desk just for self]
Just one of those things that happens on sitcoms a lot, but this one bothered me cuz I made up a better line for the idiot in half a second. ;-P I mean, if Freud and psychodynamicism can have a Woody Allen and the writing team at "Fraser" to make really intelligent, apt jokes that demonstrate as much understanding as humor, why can't anyone know just a smidge about astrology before writing a line? Mweh.
Fave "Fraser" quip: Niles is subbing for Fraser one day as host of his radio show. He opens with, "Unlike my brother, who is a Freudian, I am a Jungian. So there will be no blaming Mommy today!"

In other news, J and I had a fun, busy weekend. Went to Niagara and Buffalo on Saturday for baby and maternity gear. I think I am approaching the end of regular clothes, just in time for the start of my third tri.
As usual, baby and I only grow in spurts, so my waist burst another full inch over the weekend. J could even see the difference between Friday and Sunday. I think I look preggo, but still don't know what the general populace sees. Some of us on my Nov list have been discussing being in the "Is she or isn't she?" phase, where people might wonder, but don't want to commit. ;-) The skinny ones left that phase behind about 8 weeks ago. ;-P But that makes sense, since they've gained an avg of 20-25 lbs at this point, except for the two who had morning sickness so bad that they lost double digits in weight, while the bigger women are more 10-15 lbs.
On Sunday, we finally got over to J's friends in Waterloo, longtime married couple D&B, where I met them and their two daughters, M and Z, ages 4 (almost 5, if you please!) and 2.5.
They let me do the kids' charts, cuz they were screaming out to me. Their astro personas, that is, not the children themselves. ;-) Not as strongly as when I met pteropod for the first time, but enough, possibly b/c kids filter a lot less. M is quite the cheeky monkey who gave J a run for his silly illogical logicisms.
J: You can't tickle me; it won't work.
M: Why not?
J: B/c I'm impervious to tickling. Do you know what that word means? It means it can't affect me.
M: Why not?
J: B/c I've been tickled too much. It's like how fish are impervious to water.
M (w/ what I swear are the beginnings of a fine Scully skeptical eyebrow arch): So fish are impervious to water because they've been watered too much?
LOL, she's brill. Gotta be on your toes for an Airy Libra Sun with Aqu rising and Uranus in Aqu in the first house.
I gave advice on managing M's gorgeous curls, and got lots of tips and live examples on being a slightly crunchy mom, w/o being a freak abt any aspect of it. We even scored a couple clothing items from her upcoming garage-sale blow-out of goods that neither kid fits anymore.
M couldn't believe how big the baby in my belly is (approx. 2 lbs.), but also wanted me to know how very much bigger it will get before coming out. And that it will be covered in blood and kinda gross. But she approves of me only having one, cuz having two at a time, like her aunt did, is just crazy.
Z is also verbally ahead of her years, but mostly worked her impish mojo with mischievous eyes and a refusal to wear any clothing for very long when there was a bright sun and warm wading pool to enjoy.

Belated happy anniversary to R and S!

New Hair Role Model

2004-08-16T16:39:14Z

This British songbird reviewed in the Aug 13 "EW" is the photo I'm taking to my next haircut appt. It's not wildly different from the current hair, just cleaned up and with more shape.

In Praise of the WC TTC, PG, and Parenting Boards

2004-08-13T05:07:46Z

So, I'm totally over the brides and avoid that side of things so I don't get annoyed at people. But I am indebted for life to the women on the journey to and through motherhood. Basically, the power lies in always letting you know that you are not alone, and there are strangers who will aid and support you in reassuring you, and who will help find answers to your problems.

ETA: Gack! I'm ashamed to realize I failed to mention the very few but notable adoptive moms-to-be on the boards. They've got their own incredible quest that comes on top of the whole TTC mess.
I also got a big kick today when I found a brand new thread for "fly by the seat of your pants" moms who want to talk about parenting without taking sides in any of the Mom Wars on the boards. LOL, all too needed.

On the "Family Planning" board, mainly for those still on the Trying To Conceive quest, you've got women trying every known method to achieve pregnancy. Whatever you're thinking of, somebody's tried it, somebody can tell stories of their success/failure with it, somebody can tell you abt an alternative. There are entire threads for women on Clomid, women doing IVF, women trying to understand their BBT charts, OPT results, and on and on. There's a thread just for women to support each other while they endure the "2WW," the two-week wait between estimated ovulation and when you should expect either your period or an opportunity to POAS (pee on a stick).
In other words, the crap you can't talk to other people in your life about, either b/c it's so personal, so emotional, or, you know, bores them silly, these people will listen and respond to. As many of you know, it can be a lifeline to find others who are as obse--focused as you are.
If you are getting frustrated, upset, jealous, or despondent as you efforts to conceive don't pan out, there are women who know exactly what you mean. It's a place where it's OK to talk abt how you cried for an hour when your SIL announced her pregnancy. It's not that you aren't happy for her and your brother, but Why Not You? They weren't even really trying! It's not fair! And others will hold your hand. You can be ugly there.
(In fact, for some reason, the whole childbearing affair seems to bring that "Life Is Unfair" lesson home for these women. Like, not the fact that, on average, the women there are more well-off and in happier, easier marriages than average folks, or that
they were all born into wealthy, industrialized nations with peace, prosperity, and advanced health-care systems that can help them conceive and deliver healthy babies--when they want them, unlike the vast majority of humanity. No, that never made them wonder at the inherent unfairness that Life doles out every day. But not being able to conceive despite intense effort does. But that's more of a bitch, and today is
praise day.)

One of the more impressive lists is the one for women over age 35. As you might expect, they are more emotionally mature and less likely to end up in flame wars. I lurk on that list every now and again, and am in awe of how honest, willing to be vulnerable, and realistic about their emotions they are as a group.
Recently, they had a discussion to decide if they should split off into two 35+ groups: one for TTC and one for the preggo and parenting, b/c all of them over there could understand BOTH parties' pain. The TTC crowd sometimes wants to avoid the posts of the lucky preggos and moms, b/c some days it's hard to not be bitter. The preggos and moms, OTOH, often feel guilt and hold back a lot of enthusiasm and longer discussions about what they are experiencing b/c they want to protect the TTCers feelings. They often know just what the TTCers are going through, b/c most of the 35+ crowd didn't get preggo instantly or easily. They've been there. And the TTC side really does want the others to be able to gush and post u/s pictures and, as one woman put it, "do all that normal, deserved fun" without wondering if they're hurting
someone's delicate feelings on a week where their period showed up again or they got some bad test results or they had to attend their fifth baby shower of the summer.
Most movingly, one woman announced her pregnancy by saying that no one had to respond with the usual congrats and such, b/c she knew that some of them might not be having the happiest reaction--b/c she knows she had some ugly days and mixed emotions
herself. Of course, her request went unheeded, and the women came out to yippee for her, like they do for everyone. :-)
[Believe me, I was shocked when so many charters came out to wish me a "H&H" (happy and healthy) pregnancy and "sticky vibes" even though I had only been a non-lurker on the thread for three weeks before I got my BFP (Big Freakin' Positive preggo test result). It's amazing.]
So, the group is now on two threads, but people tend to read and post on both, keeping track of their friends and cheering all the different parts of the journey.
The IF (infertility) threads do similar emotional venting and help each other be calmer and feel more normal than if they kept the issue the dark secret
most would be doing if they didn't have their Net friends. We're still at a point where some women aren't comfortable discussing, or are ashamed of, their IF struggles.
Friends and family who haven't been there aren't always the best supporters, even if they mean well, if they're not educated about both the medical and emotional aspects.
I know I greatly appreciated the thread they created about IF Etiquette that gave me lots of food for thought on what to say, not say, and how best to support someone in this situation.
The other sobering aspect is the lists for women who have suffered some type of pregnancy loss, or just experiencing it as a member of the Charting thread and the Nov Mommies thread or as someone surfing the boards and someone posts a quick thread asking for prayers b/c some other WC preggo has checked into the hospital and it's unclear what's going to happen.
Miscarriages and chemical pregnancies are common; you can read stats about them in lots of places. But it's something else to live through seeing someone get that positive test, only to be crushed within the next month. Or watching a twin pregnancy make it into
the second trimester before the amniotic sac bursts and there's nothing anyone can do. These realities have increased my sensitivity and understanding so much, and made me realize how much struggle to get and stay pregnant is still hidden from the general public until and unless someone close to you is dealing with it--and is willing to talk abt it.

As a preggo, you can join a list full of 2-3 dozen other women who are due the same month as you. You can all talk together about all the new symptoms and aches and wonders you are experiencing. You can compare what the doctors are telling you. You've found others who are in the process of getting ultrasounds, are having their oral glucose tolerance tests, or their triple-serum screening blood tests at the same time as you. They're buying baby gear and maternity clothes and decorating a nursery at the same time you are. You can talk about fears and concerns and test out names before you have to deal with people IRL. It's this incredible bond between strangers.
There are lists devoted to every symptom, ache, pain, and weird disease or complication you'd never heard of. Get a diagnosis from the doc that you don't
understand? Create a thread and 15 women who also had it will come and tell you what they experienced and what you can expect. These are the women who reassured me that I was more likely to be having really early round ligament pain than an ectopic pregnancy. And they were right.
(It's weird, in the sense that I'd heard so much more abt ectopics than chemical pregnancies, but chemical ones seem way more common. It could be b/c women know more abt their chem pregnancies far more today b/c they are actively trying to conceive and keeping track
of symptoms and testing early, before the chems disappear. There are a lot of women out there who think, sometimes smugly, they've never had an unintended pregnancy and/or look down on those who have, when they just had a chemical one that they never had to face b/c it just seemed like a period that was a bit late, a bit heavier than normal.)
People, there's a thread just for women trying to figure out if and when they will have to remove their navel piercing. (Mine's still in, but I know that I might have to take out my bar and watch the hole close in, oh, 83 seconds as my tummy really pops in the final weeks.)
Other threads cover nursery ideas, name polls, how people feel abt "Juniors," and dealing with your pregnancy in the workplace, including women who are looking for new jobs while pregnant, a tricky tightrope.
You also get to lurk on other months' lists. Most women seem to enjoy checking out the month ahead of them and behind, to see what it just around the corner or nod knowledgeably at stuff they consider old hat now. ;-)
Me, I like going to the month that is due NOW. I read how women are getting through those final weeks, some with complications like gestational diabetes or high blood pressure, seeing who is induced, who ends up with a slightly early c-section, whose contractions turn out to be the Big Event, and who gets sent home over and over. It's a big reality check on how you will feel, physically and emotionally, and how much the waiting and early stages take over your daily life.
You see months like July get their first baby in early May (eek!), or, incredibly this month, see the September Mamas get to mid-August without a single one yet! (Good for you, ladies--keep baking!) Of course, then there are the women whose month comes...and
goes...and they're still waiting for Baby to make an entrance. I consider it all educational and preparatory.
I esp get a kick out of the multiparas, or "Repeat Offenders" as the WC lingo goes for those carrying their second or more child. Seeing what's the same, and what can be different each and every time on this ride, and how much baby's temperament affects things. Your parenting style is not the be-all end-all of who your child is or how they will act, and sibs will be different.
The books and the docs and the friends and family who think they know and understand everything have a place, but there's nothing like your fellow soldiers in the trenches. ;-)

The Parenting board is the final piece in the puzzle. The moms will answer preggos' questions about gear, brands, what don't you really need, etc. There's a swap board for trading and selling clothing and gear. There are threads for whatever style of parenting you're trying or parenting issue you're experiencing. Threads for breastfeeding, for formula feeding, for cloth diapering, for co-sleeping (a term that has several meanings, so don't assume), for women BFing past the first year, for women who are working outside the home but BFing and so need to pump on a heavy, regular basis--and not just at home. Threads for toilet training, dealing with babies who don't sleep, colicky babies, babies with rashes, babies with allergies.
Not only are you, your husband, and your baby normal, even if highly displeasing at times ;-), not only are people out there to answer questions and support you and provide book recommendations and links to great resources, but there's that odd comfort from knowing this new, weird thing you are experiencing has been experienced by a million others.
For example, despite my mom's dire warnings about all the ways BFing might not work for me b/c it didn't work for her, any worries are ameliorated by the "lactivists" and hearing from all these women who didn't have probs or did, but got through them. This is how mammals work, by freakin' definition, and where there's a will, mostly there's a way. On the more emotional side, people can discuss the issues they experience within themselves or have to deal with from others in their life b/c they're doing this act that in 40 years we've created a cultural attitude that it is somehow not normal, despite a kajillion years of evolution saying oh, yes, it is. (Though I wish I could find a good explanation for HOW exactly food and water I ingest become this perfect, life-sustaining nourishment.)
One of my fave revelations is how much the categories overlap. Like, plenty of BFing moms supplement with formula on occasion so that they can be away for longer than one expressed bottle or to let someone else enjoy feeding Baby. Also, lots of cloth diaperers do keep disposables on hand for long shopping trips or at least to get through the meconium of the first week after birth. Reality is much more practical and pragmatic than extremists from any and all sides would lead you to believe.
All of your problems are shared by this sisterhood. Something your books and Google can't answer to your satisfaction? Something your mom, your best friend, your day-care provider know nothing about? Well, someone over there does.
Praise be!

Calendar of Events

2004-08-12T03:32:00Z

Um, why didn't I put my preggo weeks on my day planner earlier? Oh, yeah, so I could avoid reality checks like seeing that the first day of classes, Sept 13, is my Week 30.
Awwww, I'm so touched: My mom says my aunts (her sisters) Jeanne and Laura are throwing me a tiny family baby shower when J and I go visit MI for Canuck Thanksgiving Oct 9-11, at abt Week 34. It'll be nice to see everyone, esp since I missed the summer BBQ last weekend.
Then, my parents (and anyone else who cares to) are coming here for US Thanksgiving, Nov 25, for our second annual dinner. The idea is, of course, that there will be a very new newborn to visit.

Had a quickie OB appt today. She was thrilled that I haven't gained any weight in the past six weeks. I don't have quite the same knee-jerk positive reaction, but I comfort myself that the baby must be getting bigger and stronger, since the kicks are plentiful and detectable, by touch and sight, from the outside now (but NEVER when J is there to view or feel them--it's like a hide-and-seek game Vengeance is playing) and my waist is 0.5" bigger, for 4.5" total.
Baby HB: 156
My BP: 128/70

Woohoo: Sunday, Aug 15, will mark six months since my LMP (last menstrual period). Hurray for no bleeding!
Do tampons have expiration dates?
But, even better, my preggo ticker in the sig line of my WC posts says that there are 102 days left, meaning that this Saturday will take us down to 99 bottles of breastmilk on the wall--
C'mon, everybody, sing!--
or, ya know, not. But you get the idea. :-)

Find of the Week: Comfy Cotton (http://www.comfycotton.ca), a diaper service that serves Guelph (and everywhere else within 90 min of TO). Dude, having my cake and eating it, too! Cloth diapers, instead of dumping $45 and 70 diapers/week into a landfill, but someone else collects them each week and washes them for me. All for $15/week. T'dow!
Now I just have to learn how to use cloth diapers, b/c no one I've ever known or babysat for has used them. No. One.
Except J's great friend Katie, who is in BC answering all my silly questions by email while caring for her 9-month-old cutie. But that's not exactly a hands-on lesson in tying one on. :-/

Squirrel Porn: You and Me, Baby, Ain't Nothing but Mammals

2004-08-11T11:29:08Z

Fifteen minutes ago, our household awoke to find our squirrel pair out back, as usual. Time to feed them peanuts, right? The more aggressive of the two has gotten more demanding and less scared in recent weeks, standing on the BBQ a foot away from the Cat TV screen and screeching if we're late.
Except today they had other pursuits. Like, doing it like they do on the Discovery Channel. I looked out through the curtains to see Squirrel A mounted on Squirrel B and rutting, first in our tree and then on top of our wooden fence.
Eh, the cats still got their Cat TV entertainment. I just didn't know that they had ordered some cable channels. (Catemax?)
Good Morning! ;-)

Updates

2004-08-10T01:29:59Z

Tigra, aka B11202, is now at the Humane Society awaiting adoption. We're not taking her. All her tests were negative, so they have no idea why she went on a hurl fest. Makes J and I nervous to adopt a cat who has/had *something* wrong with her that no one can diagnose. Plus, Nick & Gil's special, prescription teeth-care kibble is so expensive, it would be hard to up our feline costs by 50% right now.
Once again, the employee answering the phone at the Animal Hospital (third person overall) gushed about what a lovable scamp she is, purring for everyone and "bouncing off the walls."
Pray that she gets the good home she deserves.

As Dora the Explorer says, "We did it! We did it! We did it!"
Or good enough. Done with work at Zehrs. EI or no, so glad to be done. I will finally get to have my weekday evenings with my husband and our weekends together again. Which will be very nice to have, since he is about to enter the busiest time of his work year, when all the new students show up, and I will start classes in a month. And, oh yeah, our household will be growing, Tigra or no.
Had another shoulder...hmm, event? today. I call them "spasm," but I doubt that is correct. From the top of my left shoulder down my back to the tip of the shoulder blade and up the left side of my neck, it feels like all the muscles clench up slowly but powerfully, radiating pain throughout "Radiating" is the word because the area gets very hot, and ice packs help. At the worst moments, I can't lift my arm or bend over, and am left gasping for breath. So, you know, glad I can stop lifting crap with the kind of poor form dictated by the objects and the till. The ergonomics of that job are a nightmare, esp for people over 5'4".
Even so, yesterday's shift was my best ever, pleasant dealings with everyone. I thought before speaking (a feat for someone with a first-degree relative diagnosed with ADD and showing some symptoms herself) and defused a potential situation by thanking someone for bringing my error to my attention, one made in ignorance b/c little is explained there until you fuck it up and need reprimanding. Even Lori was nice while bagging for me.
But I can't face working tomorrow night 5-10:30pm, and H&R confirmed my hour calculations today, so I called into work, as EI told me to do, and let them know that I am going on Sick Leave and will not be appearing for work this week.
I got shuffled around four different people until I ended up with Jane, evil Jane, intimidated short Jane, who feels the need to stand on things like curbs and steps when talking to me so that the top of her hair will be the height of my chin. (I love being tall. ;-P)
Jane went from 0 to hyper, hostile bitch in, oh, 0.3 seconds. Very impressive. Her entire tone was outright nasty, bitchy, suspicious, without any notions of politeness or benefit of the doubt.
Remember: until my 45-day evaluation a couple of weeks ago, where she was equally nasty, I had never spoken with this person. So, she either hates me on sight, trusts people saying nasty things about me so implicitly that there's no self-presentation I could give to diffuse her negative opinion of me, or she's just this awful to all underlings. I really don't know.
Her attitude, esp since things have been so nice with everyone else, was so shocking and so amped that I didn't even have a chance to react with my own anger. It was like dealing with a insane person: you just instinctively reach for even, calming words and tones to dial down the crazy before the 6-foot white rabbit tells her to strangle me. In the moment, it was more baffling than anything else.
"So you're saying that you're not coming in to work this week?!"
"Yes."
"And when were you planning to inform me of this?!"
"With this phone call."
At the time, my next shift was 26 hours away, and I know from my experience being called in to cover for others that that is about 17-24 hours more than they usually get.
Every question either sniped at me b/c I was somehow doing this process wrong, not that I've ever done it before or that it has ever been explained, and her prying into what's wrong with me. I was prepared for the latter and had deflecting answers, simply reassuring her that I had my Medical Certificate from my doctor, and that my GP and OB agree that I should not be working. "Well, I'll have to see that." And she can't give me a Record of Employment until I've filled out forms and she has filled out her part and then had them sent to head office.
"Um, that sounds like it could take some time," I nervously commented.
"Mmm hmm," was all the curt reply I got.
But at least I have the security of knowing I can supply my pay stubs to EI if Zehrs does not produce an ROE withing the next 14 days, as required by law.
I wasn't ready for other nasty question she had no right to ask, but unfortunately, I am a direct, straightforward person who gives answers to direct questions, even if I realize moments later that I was under no compunction to reply and that it wasn't necessarily in my best interest to be honest with someone who seems to have it out for me.
"Do you even have enough hours for EI?!"
"Yes."
"But you've haven't been here long!" [I swear all the exclamation points truly are necessary to convey her speech accurately.]
"At Zehrs, no, but I had another job earlier this year."
Why am I telling her any of this? EI is funded by employees' payroll contributions. It doesn't matter to Zehrs one way or another, esp since the Ministry of Labour does not require them to hold my job, re-hire me, or anything b/c I've been there less than three months.
Anyway, being in pain and all, I asked if my husband could collect the forms, and so that's what we did. (J: "You didn't tell me she was a dwarf!") He'll be delivering them tomorrow, too, to the vicious, wretched, crazy dwarf lady.
Whaaaaaaaatever.
J thinks that if I don't get EI, we might be able to find me some campus work, now that I'm a student and qualify for some jobs I couldn't get as a civilian. Plus, pay scales are based on one's semester, so I will jump ahead to a fifth-semester pay scale.
As long as I can do it sitting down....

Back to ten days ago, when I was having as good a time as possible in MI while Nick was missing. My dad asked me at my birthday dinner if I watched "that 'Sex & the City' show that's on TBS now."
I told him I did, and he laughed, "Man, I've tried a couple of episodes and I cannot beLIEVE that this is the 'cleaned-up' version. I mean, what did they do on HBO: have actual, full-on nudity?"
Taking care not to spew lobster-stuffed mushroom caps, I guffawed and told that's *exactly* what they had, plus a lot of swearing.
But I gotta give Dad credit for being a quick study. "Well, who do you identify with? I see you as like that Charlotte girl or Miranda."
I laughed again, b/c I have the exact same opinion.
"Charlotte seems like you b/c she's--I don't want to say prudish, but, you know, kind of *proper* about sex and dating and what she wants from life. And Miranda is smart and speaks her mind and knows how to argue, so that seems like you, too."
Aww, home is where you are known.
I agreed and told him I see Charlotte as my younger self, but that I am becoming more Miranda-like with age. ;-)

Hopefully, the rest of the week will be uneventful. I only have my regular OB appt on Wed morn. (Oh, goodie, a weigh-in.) J and I finally should get to see his friends--another IR couple even--who have been inviting us over for months to mooch off their old baby clothes. And I should have time now to write Bunny for tips on being a mommy in Guelph. She and her husband, Brooks, friends of ex-roommate Wayne, were congratulatory and ready to help when J let them know of our impending parenthood. :-) I'm just bummed she doesn't run her own in-home daycare anymore.

So Close

2004-08-08T01:16:31Z

I am at 190.92 hours at Zehrs.
By my calculations, I need 193.5 hours, but I have yet to receive my official Record of Employment from H&R Block confirming that they agree with my math, giving me 406.5 hours there.
600 is the required minimum.
So, I'm going for 200 even at Zehrs for some fudge room.
I have five hours scheduled for tomorrow and another five for Tuesday night.
I should be done in 73.5 hours.
I just want to be done.
I'm tired of screaming feet, an aching lower back, the strained muscles in my upper back, the swollen left trapezoid, the sharp pain in my right wrist, the pulling of my stretched abdominal wall to lean over the till and lift things over and over, the low uterine cramping.
I'm tired of feeling swoony because I'm hungry or thirsty and have no idea when my break will come, of sweating in the "energy conserving" ambient temp that even customers complain about as too damn hot, of not knowing when I will get to relieve my shrinking bladder.
EI or no EI, stick a fork in me.
Besides, it'll be great to escape just as Merc goes retrograde. ;-)

Tigra continues to improve, even eating solids again without vomiting. Everyone at the hospital is in love with her now that her spunky energy is back.
Our catsitter wants her to go "to a good home" so much that she will pay for half of her adoption fees if we'll take her. ($107! Don't know if I can accept that.)
I just don't know. I'm so happy that she's looking better, though. :-) They're still waitng for feline leukemia and some other tests to come back. Have to make sure she won't relapse or get us or our kitties sick.

Nick Is Home: Our Own "Two Brothers" Tale

2004-08-02T03:35:30Z

I knew that when I decided last night to buy the baby t-shirt with two tigers on it and the words "Two of a Kind" that it would be fateful. I just didn't know if it would be happily prophetic of a reunion or if I would be punished for assuming any such thing would occur. :-(

The Cigarette Smoking Cat Lady in Unit 38 found Nick in our shared parking lot in the wee hours after midnight. She got our neighbor, Pam, Ginger's owner, to open our door and shove him in. Pam confirmed to CSCL that it was in fact Nick.
This morning, they called our caretaking Cat Lady with the news. She was afraid that it was another case of mistaken identity, and so did not call us until she had come in and seen a dirty, dirty Nick hanging out, with an anxious Gil following his every move from room to room.
Our two brothers were reunited. Poor Gil was no longer alone in the world, left to wonder where the soul with whom he shared a womb and every day of life after birth had disappeared to.
Cat Lady called us at 9:20am, while we were shopping at Target (yes, again--different week = different sales). J answered the ringing cellie, and I got down on my knees in the Liz Lange Maternity section and prayed that it was the news we wanted.
It was. :-D
After 40 hours of hell, J and I were able to hug, embrace, and hold hands in joy instead of solace.

While we watched "The Village," which I liked, but understand why others are disappointed and not getting the movie they might have wanted or expected, the cell rang again. The elderly woman in Unit 29 wanted to know if had found our "kitten," b/c she thought she heard him meowing at midnight last night. Very possible. I said we had and thanked her for her concern.
There were too few other moviegoers at this noon showing to get riled up enough to stone me for having the phone on.
Our whole village really came through for us to help bring the prodigal cat home.

My nerves were still jangled all day, as were J's, and Vengeance has been kicking like never before. I also think that the bebe has flipped since the ultrasound four weeks ago from being transverse with head on the left to having head on the right, and thus the powerful kicks on the left now. Either that, or those are some mighty punches being thrown on the left.
Anyway, I refused to let myself believe too much until we saw him. We drove up at about 10:45pm, and J opened the door to corral cats before I started carrying packages in. From the car parked 10 feet from our door, I saw a rush of white fur and J bending over. Gil's face pressed against the screen near the floor. J turned around and showed Nick leaning on his shoulder in his standard pose. This was real.

The only wrinkle was that the non-Nick cat kind Dan had picked up last night had no where to go. It's a holiday weekend here (so no work tomorrow, except for us retail slaves, and even we get 1.5 pay), and the Humane Society won't open until Tuesday. Cat Lady has a giant heart, but she already has nine of her own "fur babies" in her two-bedroom apartment. So, she told us non-Nick would be here waiting for us in our upstairs bathroom when we returned.
We have christened her Tigra, b/c she is much brighter orange than our own ginger part-tabbies. She is as tiny as Nick, but I suspect she really is still a kitten. Possibly with a home, cuz she is clean and her coat is marvelously soft. I pray she is chipped, so she can be returned. Dan was not crazy, since our posters were not in color.
Our cats, as usual, are following her around as soon as we let her out of the bathroom to roam the house freely, nothing but curious, but she will have none of it. Hissing, growling, the occasional left hook are all being tossed out. But she lets the humans hold and pet her.
She's lost interest in them now that J is cracking open a can of wet food for the striped household members to share.

In happy human-twin news, Aidan is now home, too!!! So, teeny Maia is no longer alone in her crib, and Jen and Amory do not have to commute in SF traffic to see him. Mazel tov! :-D

A Guy Says He Has Nick--Update: Not Nick

2004-08-01T02:42:31Z

After dinner with my family, at 9:35pm J and I ran off to Target to grab some necessities before they closed. At 10:05pm, as we were checking out, the cell phone finally rang, as we had been hoping, praying, and staring at it demandingly for all day.
Dan says he thinks he found our cat over on Silvercreek. J put up flyers there, and the guy said it matched the photo.
We raced home to my parents' to get our cat caretaker's phone number and call her. She is headed over there right now, with the reward money.
She will know for sure if it is Nick or not. I'm worried b/c the posters are not in color, although he is described on them. J went to the Human Society this morning while I searched the neighborhood again, and he said there were some Nick/Gil look-alikes there, so I'm so afraid it's another ginger DSH.
Waiting impatiently to see if I will get the best present ever.

11:30pm ETA: It's not Nick. Cat Lady says so, and I know she is right. What sealed it for me is how she described this stray hissing at our neighbors Pomeranian-Poodle dog. Nick and Gil are curious about, not threatened by, dogs, and they know Ginger well.
I have never felt my heart plunge into my stomach like that. I'm shaking and feel swoony. I think I'm losing it a little. But Cat Lady is right: People are seeing the posters and keeping an eye out.

Dinner was nice. Got in some good shopping earlier at Troy's chi-chi, upscale Somerset Collection, including monster clearance deals on baby clothes at Talbot Kids, Baby Gap, and Marshall Fields. Even "clearance" items at Neiman Marcus were too rich for our blood. ;-P
My whole family thinks they know the gender--and they agree on said gender. They might be right.

Nick Is Missing, the Evil Little Shit

2004-07-30T20:56:42Z

It appears that, today of all days, Nick escaped out the front door as usual, but this time, no one noticed.
Today is extra bad b/c we were in a huge rush at 8am to get out the door and get everything done. J had to work; I had to work. I had errands to run. It wasn't until I got home around 3pm that I noticed he was gone.
We are supposed to be driving to Michigan right now for my party weekend.
Gil, probably sensing our stress, has decided that he's stressed, too, even though he was chill all afternoon, and is pacing the house and meowing.
We've been searching the giant park across the street and knocking on neighbors doors, although only the retirees are home right now.
Called the Humane Society, where we adopted him and where he was chipped.
We can't leave for MI until he's found.
And here I thought work sucked today.

"US Weekly" Tells the Truth!

2004-07-29T20:06:49Z

At least occasionally.
I'm LMAO cuz of a tiny piece on page 32 of the current issue, with Cam Diaz on the cover. It's a photo of Kate Hudson carrying her son, Ryder, in a snugli outside a Babystyle store in the LA area.
I know that the description of her activities is true b/c S, the beautiful Israeli Angelena on my November Mommies list, was there!
She was perusing a rack of clothes for her baby-to-be, and thought she saw Kate on the other side. Before she could think, her head snapped up to see that, yes, it was Ms. Hudson. Then S was totally embarrassed for gawking and ducked her head back down in some onesies.
But Kate, described as stunningly gorgeous and teeny tiny (which is something, coming from itty bitty S), smiled at her and came around the rack for a chat.
She asked S when she was due and recommended a brand of clothing. (A small, designer line carried at the store) S got a good look at baby Ryder and declared him cute, but in an ordinary way, unlike his luminous mama.
Sounded like a class act.
And I'm now very very amused.

A Quickie, Just to Keep Y'all Abreast

2004-07-25T00:13:15Z

No time to post at length. J and I need a nap before we see "The Bourne Supremacy." Summer always bankrupts me at the movies.
Next weekend, I will see "The Village" with me family.

Meanwhile, at work, things were bad, but then improved. Then got really really good. Like "Twilight Zone," Why are you treating me with such strange kindness and regard? good.
My "WWDD?" strategy helps, too, though it is impossible to keep up a happy face sometimes, like this afternoon when I get back pain and uterine cramps from standing, lifting, and leaning over for hours.
But yesterday, almost every item on my bitch list that J has to hear every week got scratched off. I was even given some bonus points in their stupid game to try and get us to do certain kinds of BS "customer service."
Strange, I tell ya, sta-range.
Glad I don't have to hide the pregnancy anymore.
And don't listen to me mope about not having peeps there when I'm obviously in a general moony mood. I totally have all the geek baggers, generally sci-fi and reality TV lovers who are also native Guelphite students at UofG, b/c they like to talk to me abt the shows and movies we all see.
42 hours to go!

Finally--FINALLY--our incentive checks came in from H&R!! They were due a month ago, but I got the deposit yesterday: $625! That means the gross amount is probably like $700 even, and I'll get the taxes back in early 2005. It is a lot more than the estimated $500 in incentive pay we thought our office members would get. We must have really exceeded our goal figures.
Yiippppeeee!!!!
I get to feed said check right into the maw of UofG by August 13. ;-)

Feel that yummy life goodness, what with being admitted, avoiding work pitfalls, and cashing in? That's the Sun moving into Leo, baby! :-D
Everyone, take a day off, go shopping, get a mani, and eat lunch somewhere fabulous! Because it's L'eo-ral, and I'm worth it, lol.

More Combo

2004-07-23T03:03:32Z

During my freshman year at USC, Donna, who some met in Vegas at the wedding, gave me some advice that has stayed with me, even if not always enacted: I told her about my troubles with people who did not like me in high school, who then gossiped and got other people to believe unflattering things. As a fellow Leo, she knew that our well-known weakness for flattery and people who appear to like us had the flip side of us finding it impossible to like people who seem to dislike us. But she added, "Well, you know what I do when someone is bitching about me to someone else? I make a point of being extra nice to that person and doing everything I can to get that person to wonder, 'Why did so-and-so say that about her? She's so nice!'"
Taking her lead, I have been putting on a happy face at work, being cheery, and doing my best to act like I love my job. It helps. Much improvement in my own attitude. I just don't think it matters for certain people who have made up their minds.
But, nonetheless, my new mantra for dealing with haters is "WWDD?" :-)

Lots of fierce females heating up summer's women's mags. My fave are Xtina on US Elle, Keira Knightley on US Cosmo, and Catherine Zeta-Jones in W.
Xtina argues how music has always been "raunchy," contrary to popular ideas of the coarsening of our culture. She also has the sense to see that bored tabloids have switched the stories they choose to tell abt her and Britney. Xtina is now the Good Girl, transformed by love and conservative fashion. Britney has gone Bad, drinking in public, taking up with someone else's babies' daddy, and, worst of all, getting a beer belly.
Keira comes off frank and uncoached, and very British, talking about people in LA who were surprised that her teeth weren't "THAT bad," and how she needs "longer legs and bigger tits." She also discusses the 45 minutes of daily make-up shading work they did on her chest for "Pirates" to give her the appearance of cleavage. Her words.
CZJ I can't help but adore for being the ballsiest Libra ever. She cagily notes that her cell-phone sponsor saw sales rise during her campaign with them, so why shouldn't they pay her millions for her endorsement? It's fair compensation for her, and a good investment for them. My fave part is when she wonders why don't more people congratulate her or say "Good for her!", seeing that she has worked so hard her entire life in show biz, made her own money, and clawed her way to Hollywood's A-list. And she disses stars who act in interviews like the limelight, the fame, the fortune are things to be shied away from, to almost be ashamed of, when she figures, Hey, this is what she came here for. Loves her.
I also should warn those of you tired of Britney wedding tales or perhaps aghast at the coverage of Mary-Kate's emotional and physical woes that those two stories produced a noticeable up-tick in sales at my cashier station. All sorts of women bought both the People cover with Britney talking about her "happily ever after" and anything with Mary-Kate on the cover have been flying off the shelves.
A mom of three daughters, ages 6-11, had to give quick explanations of anorexia and why she thought M-K did or did not have an eating disorder, as girls at school were discussing.
More amusing was the one who I heard say, "No." "Why not, Mom?" "Because you are 13. Come back to me when you're 17." Bone of contention? The latest issue of Seventeen with Hilary Duff on the cover.
Someone will have to explain the appeal of fake, wannabe skank, thinks-she-can-dance Lindsay Lohan, though. ;-P

So, being due in late Nov and being a prima para (first-time preggo) means I meet milestones later than the other mums on my list and need lots of things explained to me. One bit others have been talking about is Baby having hiccups. Whaaa? How do they know? What is that like? Has that happened to me?
Turns out, fetal hiccups are like orgasms: If you have to ask if you've experienced it, you have not. ;-D I can say this after this afternoon's rhythmic thwumps for five minutes of Vengeance hiccups.

The Combo That Is My Life

2004-07-23T00:13:37Z

A good idea for purse junkies, once they perfect it: http://www.bagborroworsteal.com
Allows fashionistas to pay a monthly fee of $20-$100 plus round-trip shipping charges of $10 per purse to borrow high-end bags. It's based on Netflix, and has many of the same rules.
The biggest prob is that they are concentrated at the low end and the less popular end of the high-end bag market. There is no Louis V, Marc Jacobs, Ferragamo, Hermes, or Coach, although they might try to get some since women keep requesting them on the msg boards.
I was surprised to see no Coach, b/c they are like the Kate Spades they do have at the site: ubiquitous and relatively (I emphasize the adv.) cheap. But it could b/c they don't favor leather bags in general, probably b/c it is harder to keep them in like-new condition between borrowers.
The site features mainly the items you can get real versions of on eBay, not the higher stuff that is all fake on the auction site. As some visitors complained, the bags offered are too "accessible," something they could afford themselves if they chose to. They want the purses in the stratosphere of exclusivity.
But, nevertheless, it allows clotheshorses to change bags several times a year for less than the cost of one bag, and there are plenty of people for whom a $300 Kate Spade is no more accessible than a $1200 LV.
I think it is one to watch. ;-)

I am too emotionally exhausted to write it all out, but Jane is trying to make me quit by scheduling me whenever I say not to.
Like my birthday.
I have had to contact one of the store's union stewards and a fantastically supportive guy at the head union office, b/c she is unofficially punishing me for her scheduling mistakes, including messing up me and this new Amanda who was hired last week.
(They gave me no choice in names to be used at the store, so I am "Amanda" there. If they had honored my request to be "AJ," this whole mess could have been avoided.)
B/c she made a schedule with just our first names, and we did not know of each other's existence so were not looking to see two different Amandas on the sched, the hours I thought were mine turned out to be hers.
She also gave me that Amanda's requested Saturday off for this Sat, July 24, and then scheduled me to work for July 31. That Amanda corrected her, and now she has this Saturday off, but I did not get her five scheduled hours, which I could desperately use.
I also missed 10 hours of work for the funeral, hours I did not even know I was scheduled for b/c of the schedule sheet's lack of last names and no one telling me to watch out for a new, second Amanda. Jane also told multiple people that she thought I had quit b/c of me not showing up for shifts due to her schedule mistakes, which the union guy said was completely improper to tell anyone when she had not heard from me.
I know I could not possibly have messed that up on the time-off request sheet b/c, strangely, I am 100% sure of which day my b-day is. :-P
I still need 51 hours.

I was very excited to get to meet for the first time J's few family members under the age of 45 at the funeral, including Dee, his fave cousin and someone who is actually a few months *younger* than I. Steve from Ottawa totally knew The Zone, the fab, ultra-modern housewares store J and I discovered back on Boxing Day 2003 in downtown Ottawa.
Dee had flown in from Winterpeg with her two-month-old son, R, leaving behind the hubby and toddler daughter. R was in high demand, of course, but she made sure J and I got a lot of cuddle time in. He was sooo perfect and wonderful and delightful. He squirmed even in his sleep, with movements that seemed eerily consistent with the punches and kicks I feel day and night. He liked J and J's goatee a lot, too. :-)
When I first saw Dee, recognizing her from J's photos of her wedding six years ago, I thought, "Wow, she looks good! Her uterus seems to have retreated to pre-preggo size, and those look like regular, not maternity clothes. Great highlights, too."
However, my opinion of the 5'6-7", size 8-10 Dee was not shared by my MIL, who told J, FIL, me, and three different relatives who called the house from distant places to see how the funeral had gone, "She has gained so much weight! She's huge! I can't believe how big she is!"
Which naturally made me feel svelte and lovely, and in no way suspicious of what might be said behind my back. And it really made me want to appear before this woman while in my third trimester or at Christmas, a month after Vengeance's projected birth. Esp when she deflected J's protests abt her comments with how she, at 18 yrs and six weeks of age, had weighed 130 when she went into the hospital to birth J, but was 95 lbs. 10 days later and wearing stretch pants to win a bet with her mother. Oh, and that her comment were OK b/c she would never say anything like that to Dee's face.
She also complained that Dee had chosen to stay with cool Steve in Ottawa, who is single, has bedrooms to spare, and near the airport, rather than with her, more than an hour from the airport, in a house already being taken up with J and me.
SIGH
But it was great getting to meet Dee finally, hear about how her two Siamese cats had adjusted to babies, and get to hold a teeny, real baby. :-D

Despite having to leave for the funeral, I also had Monday appts for academic counseling to beat the July 23 deadline. So before we left, I saw Evie A., Econ's academic counselor, in the morning. She laid out a five-semester plan, which is still one semester less than most going for an Honors degree, apparently.
Can I say that I am so glad I did not know she was a full prof, who will be teaching my Micro class, while I have been talking to her?!?!?
In my undergrad experience, profs never did that type of counseling. They hired a dept staff member, often with HR skills, who dealt with us. So, all this time, I had assumed the same of her.
I think I was more honest about my objectives and previous experience and knowledge, more relaxed in her presence, and unconcerned about crossing into obsequiousness as I thanked her over and over for all the books, advice, and generous help she has been giving me since January. I probably would have been much more anxious knowing that this was someone who would not only be a teacher of mine, but one teaching my alleged #1 interest. Eep! And I've been calling her by her first name, which is how she introduced herself! Aiiyee!
The general academic office was equally helpful, and they were dealing with a small horde of transfer students who had all received their admittances the same day as me last week. Didn't hurt that I had all these pre-req waivers and "admit even if class is full" notices from Prof. A. Went really quickly, and I am now registered for four classes, which are all incidentally MWF classes. So, I will just live on campus those days and pray that there aren't midterms on the same day.
Micro, Macro, Business History, and Calculus.
Y'all can smell the fear, right?
Got some final hand holding up at Financial Services, where I had to turn in my app for my tuition scholarship for spouses or children of fully recognized employees. Karen A isn't just the program's manager, but a user of the program, as her son is now a student. So, she gave some lowdown. It was all good, esp once she realized that I am an adult. ;-)
"So, your mom or dad works here?" she asked in a kind, overly gentle tone that would have fit a question like, "Do you know where your mommy or daddy is?"
I smiled and said, "No, but my husband does."
Her entire posture and demeanor changed, she started laughing, and all of a sudden I was a peer. ;-)
Now we just need to pay up the rest of the fees, including a medical and dental plan I don't need as the spouse of an employee, and a bus pass I won't use, totaling around $600/semester, plus get my books.
Is there any way I could spin a gambling excursion to Vegas as an investment scheme?

It's Official: Today Sucks

2004-07-18T23:57:49Z

I got a bomb of a 45-day review dropped on me today. In the middle of my shift, I was told to go upstairs for an evaluation I did not even know was coming. I got 3's "Satisfactory" out of 5 for most things, but Jane, who hates me, nitpicked every technical thing she could, like my "excessive" voids, to make it sound much worse. I think they (Jane, Brenda, Lori) wanted to rate me lower, but probably felt they couldn't get away with it, esp with relatively good words coming from Dee, Sheila, Peter, and Jackie.
Too bad the people that hate me make the schedule, and, after posting 17 weekly hours of work for me in Thursday's original schedule posting, have cut me back to 13.
I couldn't decide whether to laugh or cry. My natural inclination is like that of Lisa Simpson in the ep where Springfield's teachers go on strike and she goes through grading withdrawal: "Grade me...look at me...evaluate and rank me! Oh, I'm good, good, good, and oh so smart!"
But this place continues to assume that its employees are all children or thieves, and in either case, not to be trusted. They are to be obeyed. I am to be silent, not note the hardships of not being able to have a drink of water, go to the bathroom, or eat for 3.5 hours when they insist on giving you a break 75 minutes into a 5-hour shift.
So, getting upset seems pretty ridiculous.
But cutting my hours only prolongs our interaction. I'd love to tell them to counterintuitively sched me for more hours if they hate me, cuz then I'll be out of their hair sooner. But I don't know that they won't fire me on the spot.
And I am so damn close. (545 hours worked this year. 55 more needed. But it could take a month at this rate!)
The pathetic thing is, even if I only get two weeks of EI before becoming a student, it'll be more money than if I worked at Zehrs. That's how much less they pay me and how many fewer hours/week they give me compared to H&R: Getting **55%** of my avg weekly earnings for the past 26 weeks will pay more than getting 100% of my avg weekly earning there!

On the serious note abt Realities That Actually Matter, after my shift at Zehrs, I discovered that today truly is a hard day because J's paternal grandmother, Lois McG, died this morning.
I met her at Christmas 2002, and I liked her right away. She was telling all who would listen about how the docs had only given her 6 months to live after her diagnosis of liver cancer. But she was having none of it. Piss-and-vinegar insistence that she wasn't ready to go, TYVM. She lived for 3.5 years past the diagnosis.
RIP.

We'll be gone out east from tomorrow morn until Wed afternoon.

Lemming Time!

2004-07-18T04:49:48Z

</td></tr>

IMDB's Top 100 Best Movies of All Time
generate this HTML for your own page at ObeytheFist.com

Rank	Movie	Didn't See It/ Started It/ Finished It/ Hated It!
1	Godfather, The (1972)	Finished It
2	Shawshank Redemption, The (1994)	Finished It
3	Godfather: Part II, The (1974)	Finished It
4	Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, The (2003)	Finished It
5	Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, The (2002)	Finished It
6	Casablanca (1942)	Finished It
7	Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, The (2001)	Finished It
8	Schindler's List (1993)	Finished It
9	Shichinin no samurai (1954)
10	Star Wars (1977)	Finished It
11	Citizen Kane (1941)	Started It
12	One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975)	Started It
13	Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964)	Started It
14	Rear Window (1954)	Finished It
15	Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back (1980)	Finished It
16	Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)	Finished It
17	Memento (2000)	Finished It
18	Usual Suspects, The (1995)	Started It
19	Pulp Fiction (1994)	Finished It
20	North by Northwest (1959)	Started It
21	12 Angry Men (1957)
22	Fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain, Le (2001)	Finished It
23	Psycho (1960)	Finished It
24	Lawrence of Arabia (1962)	Finished It
25	Buono, il brutto, il cattivo, Il (1966)
26	Silence of the Lambs, The (1991)	Finished It
27	It's a Wonderful Life (1946)	Finished It
28	Goodfellas (1990)	Finished It
29	American Beauty (1999)	Finished It
30	Vertigo (1958)
31	Sunset Blvd. (1950)
32	Matrix, The (1999)	Finished It
33	Apocalypse Now (1979)
34	Pianist, The (2002)
35	To Kill a Mockingbird (1962)	Finished It
36	C'era una volta il West (1968)
37	Some Like It Hot (1959)
38	Third Man, The (1949)
39	Taxi Driver (1976)
40	Paths of Glory (1957)
41	Sen to Chihiro no kamikakushi (2001)	Finished It
42	Fight Club (1999)	Finished It
43	Boot, Das (1981)
44	Double Indemnity (1944)
45	L.A. Confidential (1997)	Finished It
46	Chinatown (1974)	Started It
47	Singin' in the Rain (1952)	Finished It
48	Maltese Falcon, The (1941)
49	M (1931)
50	Requiem for a Dream (2000)
51	Bridge on the River Kwai, The (1957)
52	All About Eve (1950)	Started It
53	Se7en (1995)	Finished It
54	Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)
55	Saving Private Ryan (1998)	Finished It
56	Cidade de Deus (2002)
57	Raging Bull (1980)
58	Rashômon (1950)
59	Wizard of Oz, The (1939)	Finished It
60	Sting, The (1973)
61	Alien (1979)	Finished It
62	American History X (1998)
63	Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (1939)	Started It
64	Léon (1994)
65	Vita è bella, La (1997)	Finished It
66	Touch of Evil (1958)
67	Manchurian Candidate, The (1962)
68	2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)	Finished It
69	Treasure of the Sierra Madre, The (1948)
70	Great Escape, The (1963)
71	Wo hu cang long (2000)	Finished It
72	Reservoir Dogs (1992)	Started It
73	Clockwork Orange, A (1971)	Started It
74	Amadeus (1984)	Finished It
75	Modern Times (1936)
76	Ran (1985)	Finished It
77	Annie Hall (1977)
78	Jaws (1975)	Finished It
79	On the Waterfront (1954)
80	Braveheart (1995)	Finished It
81	High Noon (1952)
82	Apartment, The (1960)
83	Fargo (1996)	Finished It
84	Sixth Sense, The (1999)	Finished It
85	Aliens (1986)	Finished It
86	Shining, The (1980)	Finished It
87	Strangers on a Train (1951)
88	Blade Runner (1982)
89	Metropolis (1927)
90	Duck Soup (1933)
91	Finding Nemo (2003)	Finished It
92	Donnie Darko (2001)	Finished It
93	General, The (1927)
94	City Lights (1931)
95	Princess Bride, The (1987)	Finished It
96	Toy Story 2 (1999)	Finished It
97	Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003)	Finished It
98	Great Dictator, The (1940)
99	Sjunde inseglet, Det (1957)
100	Lola rennt (1998)	Finished It

Which movies have you seen?

Nothin' Special

2004-07-18T03:01:34Z

Pringles, Pampers, Oil of Olay, Crest, Scope, Tide, Always, Tampax, Folgers, Bounty, Pantene, Charmin, Downy, Iams:

All Procter & Gamble products, and there are many more. Because I actually know those names and figure just about everyone I know has at least one of those brands in their house, they were my first (and only) single-stock purchase back in summer 2001.
I know what they make. I can point at it. I doubt people will stop wanting the classes of products offered, even if other brands gain favor. It made me feel safe.
And as of a couple of weeks ago, the stock SPLIT. I went from owning 3.939 shares to 7.878. I'm still in disbelief. I feel very lucky.
But before I selected P&G, J turned me on to companies like it who offer DPPs (Direct Purchase Programs), which allow me, Little Person, to buy stock directly from a company without a brokerage house (and its fees). It's a remarkably simple idea that helped a neophyte like me actually own stock easily (I think it was a 1- or 2-page form) and with only $250. No bank or investment institution cares about people who can only scrape together $250.
Not only does P&G have a DPP, but it's a DRiP, Dividend Reinvestment Program. So, instead of cutting me a check, which in my case would be teeeeny, they take the dividends they pay me and automatically reinvest them in P&G stock, upping my number of shares on a regular basis, even if I need three digits past the decimal point to see my increase. ;-)
And they allow you to add new cash investments every quarter with only a $100 minimum, which is not an inconsequential amount, but so small for anyone trying to get specific stocks, rather than mutual funds or bonds.
I just find the whole thing so cool. So non-threatening. So do-able. For Nothin' Special people like me who look at banks and find that they want at least $1000 to make it worth their while to bother with you, and often much more than that for any attractive programs. And that's before they start taking out their fees.
I don't know much of anything about investing, in terms of making specific choices and why, but I do know that this has been a nice initial foray. And that I am intrigued by Warren Buffet, if only b/c his strategies are outside the pack mentality that seems to pervade markets.
Oh, and I respect P&G for taking Census demographers' work on brain-gain and brain-drain cities seriously, along with Richard Florida's The Rise of the Creative Class, which led them to try and make Cincinnati a more brain-gain place. They want to grow and are tired of losing Case Western Reserve U's best and brightest.

The 20-week u/s revealed the location of my placenta (wait: is it mine or Vengeance's? Both?), and found it on the anterior, i.e. front, navel side of the uterus. Which has freaked me into wanting to learn tons of NCB and other birthing techniques. B/c that is a horrible place for a placenta if I have a c-section. My OB reassured me that they'd be careful and, in agreement with the NICU nurse who is gestating with me on the Nov Mommies list, said that it's very fortunate that everyone knows where it actually is.
However, I am now stuck with an (unrealistic) image of the blood-rich cord getting nicked in the process, spurting blood everywhere, and waving around the OB OR like a rogue garden hose. Um, no, thank you.
People who hate Bradley (turns out I'm not the only one who was turned off by his attitude) say that Susan McCutcheon does his thing, but comes across as likable and reasonable. So, I might start there.
The challenge will be finding an NCB birthing class, cuz I don't where to start. No idea. I only know the basic birthing class the hospital offers, which seems more about birth mechanics and letting you know about different interventions that one might choose and/or need.
I'll have to tap Maria from Pasadena, the American woman, and mother of two, I know at my gym. She has been a great resource since I told her I was pregnant and lost in Guelph and OHIP.
silveraspen is right: I need to get out and meet some other young (in reference to the child's age) parents here. I want to, and it's why I have been planning on joining our city rec center's Mommy & Me "exercise" classes (sorry, they look fun, but not a workout) since I found them in 2002.
But a birthing class would involve partners, too, so there'd be double the chances of connecting, in the sense that I might connect with woman from Couple A while J might connect with the guy from Couple B. Plus, it's not like one can meet too many people.

It's just kind of hard, cuz I've been feeling...not introverted, exactly, but just very focused on what I need to get done and doing more observing than participating. I watch the different cliques at the gym, at work, and yet don't see how to jump in and become part of the group. Never have. I don't feel like I fit in, even with people I really, really like. Never have. So I've been feeling like an island. But I'm not shy, nor a loner. I do OK and can be very self-contained, but I do like being with people and interacting with them, when I feel I can be myself. (Or even in H&R Block-ish situations, when I feel I can really help someone, can see their situation and understanding improve. Very gratifying.)
It's why I'm going to MI for my birthday: Being with people like J, Jenni, NiCole, and my family relaxes me, releases tension that is so constant I don't realize it's there until it's gone, and I feel completely unmasked. So, I'm letting my parents fete me. :-)

Not All Docs Suck

2004-07-16T20:28:28Z

"If Madonna is the mother of all pop stars, then Britney is her favorite daughter, but Christina is the daughter who most takes after her."--Holly Millea in her cover-story interview with Xtina in this month's US "Elle"

J and I had another joint appt with our mutual GP, who indulges us by seeing us together and enduring our incessant questions abt both of our medical conditions. His nurse and he have always been even-keeled on the weight issue, telling me to avoid crap food, of which I do have some excess, and even praising me more for being on the light side of avg gains in pregnancy.
When I told him OB E said no more gain, he laughed. "Well, different clinicians have different views on the subject, but I think that it is normal and to be expected that you will gain some weight. I doubt you will get from here to birth without gaining any weight, and that is OK."
He also gave us the good news that OHIP might start covering the newer vaccinations for babies. Duh, public health means immunizing dozens of babies against chicken pox, meningitis, and one other I can't remember, is cheaper than hospitalizing even one kid for a week when they contract it. In the meantime, it's $80 a pop out of pocket. Remember that the next time you hear abt "free" health care.

Still gearing up for the UofG stuff, but I'm so far behind, and the only way I got through the wait was to tell myself that it wasn't happening and stop planning for it and go to Plan B. Now Plan A is back. GACK!

Clouds & Silver Linings

2004-07-15T16:06:34Z

So, today I finally heard from U of G: I'm in. I can't believe how long they dicked around "transfer" students like me, who've had our apps in since Feb. I have to register by classes by next Fri, July 23, or suffer late fees. Thank God the Econ acad advisor already knows me from my earlier pushy visits, so she'll see me next week and give me permission to break the rules and take Micro and Macro together. With Calculus.
Why am I doing this again?

But earlier today I went to the OB and got told big fat pigs like me who've gained 9 lbs. in 21 weeks of pregnancy don't get to gain any more weight. Oh, oh, OK, we'll be "realistic" and allow 5-10 lbs. more. With a baby that needs to get 7 lbs. bigger.
And to think, I actually felt pretty and PG glowing (finally! radiant clear skin instead of hormonal zit-pocked dull skin) yesterday at my job interview at my gym. Silly me.

So, as a pregnant woman with hormones that had her crying and unable to stop--
Me: Stop crying!
Self: I can't! Waaahhhh.
Me: LAME!
--for almost an hour, the day is still more shitty than good. :-P After all, I still have to work this afternoon.
But maybe it will improve. ;-)
ETA:

ETA: So, the day did improve, even if it's harder to keep working when I know it's not leading to EI (if, in fact, studenthood means no EI, even for pre-birth maternity/sick leave, cuz the gub'ment only pays for me to sit on my ass at home). But at least I know I have something better, if more costly, to do now. :-)
I just hate that I feel so damn good (except for the God-forsaken feet); am in better physical shape than I've been since the wedding, thanks to dedicated, regular workouts; have great BG, BP (120/68), HR, hemoglobin (proof that at least some of us can be mostly-vegetarian--cuz meat seems so gross now--and still get enough iron), AFP/MSS (blood screens for spina bifida, Down's syndrome, and other abnormalities); am eating more fruits and veggies than I ever have except when on a diet; and have a perfect fetus but all the OB wants to talk about is me going on a real diet, while pregnant, even though all the numbers that are supposed to be risky for me are all good.
She even went probing around for ab fat, to see if I might have so much pelvic fat that it could impede vaginal delivery. "Oh, you're all baby." Yes, that would be why I buy clothing just to fit my thighs and am still wearing my regular outfits.
If not for the weight issue, I had a GREAT OB visit, where I got told all the things any mom-to-be would love to hear.

It's hard getting to a place of emotional acceptance where I felt OK abt gaining weight--gaining weight while doing the kind of workouts and small meals that would normally see me losing weight. Where I felt OK abt knowing that I'll probably go past the highest weight I have ever been, abt feeling a bit out of control. But I've been doing it. Now I feel like the entire cart has been overturned and trying to be healthy isn't good enough. It's only the number on the scale that matters.
It makes me tempted to just stop weight training and lose a couple pounds of muscle ;-P, except that then I know I wouldn't feel as good, not to mention make life that much harder at Zehrs.
I had planned this LJ post where I explain how un-fun it is to be this hungry all the time, to be eating to live as your body demands more and more, b/c the hunger never leaves you for more than three hours. I wanted to let you know about being so bored with food, esp when so many items turn you off that your menu is limited.
And it just got smaller.
But it should be OK. As the OB pointed out, just think of all those women starving in war-ravaged countries who still have normal-size babies. Yep, I always wanted to go on the Rwanda Diet.
Eh, maybe I'll be in a better mood if I ever stop needing meds I can't take for my plantar fasciitis and for my allergies, which are in high gear this week.
Can someone just wake me when it's November?

"King Arthur": When is "derivative" not even the word?

2004-07-11T02:14:45Z

Don't see "King Arthur."

Because it defiles the legend?
Because of rampant historical inaccuracies, the most offensive to my gentle soul being Guinevere in a white wedding dress, which nobody did until Queen Victoria, meaning the filmmakers couldn't trust us to get that a fancy dress and headpiece in another color and holding Arthur's hands marked the scene as a wedding? ;-P
Because they couldn't choose a better take of the wedding kiss than the one with the two skinny lines of spittle connecting our heroes' lips? :-P
Because any person or group not identified as "Saxon" or "Roman" was a random mishmash of Celtic cultures, from Scottish to Irish to Welsh to Pict?
Because, despite the credits having "Snow Technicians," "Senior Snow Technicians," and even a "Lead Senior Snow Technician," every close-up in said "snow" will just make you think "I make dandruff that looks more realistic than that crap"?
Because the smaller, more-intimate battles of "Gladiator" and "Troy" had more emotional investment than the choppily edited mass warfare of this film (despite some interesting battle tactics on display)?
Because the movie is so joyless that it doesn't even know when to have homoerotic fun, let alone a tasty sight like nekkid Djimon Hounsou, as in "Gladiator"?
Because the booming bass of the battle scenes caused Vengeance to pummel my innards?
Because Clive Owen/Arthur is so Not Cute that all you can think is "Keira/Guinnie, you can do SO much better"?
Because it is devoid of any and all magic, metaphysical or cinematic?
All true, but the main reason not to see it is that you HAVE seen it, and seen it done better, in a thousand other pre-gun war movies. My personal choice would be to rent the screen writer's superior work, "Gladiator," (hey, at least the fight was personal) or even "The 13th Warrior," which features much cuter fightin' men, like Antonio Banderas.
Just because the screenplay gives the characters familiar Round Table names doesn't mean the tale has anything more to do with them than the dinner show at Medieval Times.
Really it reminded me of the rides at Disneyland, which are mainly the same rides at any amusement park, just given zippy themes from Disney movies to make them seem more interesting and to connect with our beloved memories. Like, the Mad Hatter's teacups are the same spinning barf-generators as at any carnival. "KA" is just another go on the Tilt-a-Whirl of ancient battles using Arthurian labels.

CHarc: OK, I can't top the NYT preview article's deadly accurate description of Guinnie's battle gear as "a revealing Thierry Mugler-style S & M outfit," but the sight of it still made me guffaw. Even without real boobs, I still felt pain for Keira's chest bound in that leather. I think I'd prefer the disdained corset of "Pirates." Still, plenty of Halloween fun available this year for A-cup beanpoles with blue paint and a sure brushstroke.

"Moronica" No More

2004-07-09T15:14:25Z

"They can find Saddam in a hole in Iraq. [But they can't find who murdered Tupac.] Tupac was killed in America! In Las Vegas! On the Strip! In front of Cirucs Circus! After a Tyson fight! More people saw Tupac get shot than watched the 'Seinfeld' finale."--Chris Rock, "Never Scared"

Wow, something abt Scully's birth experience wasn't insane? Apparently, many midwives and other labor coaches think low, resonating sounds are better for mom to make b/c they require and create greater muscular relaxation. High-pitched groans, squeaks, and screams are produced with a lot more muscular tension, and probably indicate more freaking out than concentrated effort, and thus are counterproductive.
Still, I don't think I'll desire any CDs of whale sounds. ;-)

I see the OB next week, and I wanna discuss more of her birthing politics. For example, I skimmed through the Bradley Method (the newer form of Natural Child Birth, now preferred over Lamaze), and the *method* seems sound. I liked the concepts, the positions, the stretches pre- and during labor. All good.
But I still wanted to burn the book b/c of all the polemics. After a paragraph of good advice comes a paragraph on evil doctors, evil hospitals, evil medications, evil medical equipment, all of which are LIARS! Booga booga!

It makes me so angry b/c I think there are real-world disastrous consequences of propagating these attitudes. Two severe cases are the woman in Utah who refused a cesarean for her twins, who were not in optimal position, and labored so long that one was a stillbirth. The other is this BITCH on WC who uses every thread, every opportunity to offer up some experience or advice to talk abt how miserable she is b/c of her "medically unnecessary" c-section.
This from a woman who started as a home birth with a midwife. Where she labored for **96** hours before the midwife gave up, said there must be some serious probs, so let's go to the hospital. The hospital even tried to let her try a bit more while they monitored her before they, like the midwife, concluded that her kid was not coming out her vagina alive and was distressed from having been stuck in the birth canal for days of pushing. So, she had a c-section.
Now without any research on outcomes and the differences between planned and emergency c-sections, differences between how many hours of labor went on before the emergency c-section, like I have been doing for the past few months, she spouts off everywhere abt how evil her midwife, doctors, and hospital were for giving her surgery she doesn't even remember b/c by the time she got to the hospital after **96** hours of labor, she was out of it. Her freaked-out husband gave them permission cuz she couldn't. How it's the surgery and NOT the days of labor or many complications that led to the c-section that are making her recovery so difficult.
Right, b/c certified midwives attending home births are so known for giving up really easily and passing the buck to OBs, encouraging "unnecessary" medical interventions. And women who deliver vaginally--ALL of them and ESPECIALLY ones who labor for 4 days--never have difficult recoveries.
CRAZY, STUPID HO'. (We've had a run-in or two. Ahem.)

Before reading the book, I had wondered why some of the NCBers who ended up needing interventions of one kind or another can end up so fucking depressed, talking abt what failures they feel like. (Compared to other women who had rough birth experiences, but are just so happy it's over, and that they and their new baby are here, alive, and healthy.) Some, I think, are having post-partum blues that they are expressing through blaming a birth experience that didn't go as "planned." ("Planning," in and of itself, is a big problem in causing disappointment, esp for first-timers, who are planning something they and their bod has never tried. Developing preferences is one thing, but rigid ideas of what will and will not happen are not realistic.) I've started to think Molly, 6 weeks post-birth, needs some serious evaluation, both for her emotions and her physical distress.
But now I believe that the books are to blame for a lot of misery. Not only do they tell you that everything done in the hospital is bad, but that it's unnecessary--IF ONLY YOU DO YOUR BIRTH RIGHT. If you do the techniques they say to do, stretch the way they say, get in their recommended positions, if you and your partner practiced enough, if you breathed and concentrated CORRECTLY, well, then, none of those interventions could possibly be needed.
Shit, no wonder these women, True Believers and highly motivated to have an NCB, end up miserable if they "fail" and need assistance.
B/c when birthing was "all natural," no woman ever suffered or had fistulas or other complications from long, rough births, no baby ever had permanent problems from a rough birth, and babies and mothers never died. Uh huh.
Sure, I disagree with some hospital practices, mainly not getting women upright enough and trying to be on their back in too flat a position during pushing, but this broad defaming of any and all hospitals is not helpful or accurate. And now I believe it's causing a lot of unhappiness.
And this doesn't even touch upon the Jesus Calvary unit of the NCB Army, the most extreme of whom aren't even going for real prenatal care or bringing a certified midwife into their home for the birth, cuz they're fine with whatever Jesus deals them and their babies.
What cracks me up is how much the philosophy can ruin the message for people like me. I was reading some of the labor section in my "The Pregnancy Bible," and was nodding agreement with the two OB authors' ideas, when it hit me that their words were not far from the Bradley Method. But they didn't include any screeds on how interventions are evil, and instead give thorough discussions on what might be desired or needed and why. They didn't whitewash some women's foggy reactions to some analgesics, but I listened to them a lot more b/c they were reasonable.

All of which adds to my general current meditation on how math and science illiteracy affect our culture and people's decisions.
While not all of them by any means, and in fact some very science-y gals I respect want NCB *precisely because* they get what hospitals do and think they've found a better, more effective way of birthing, the NCB crew is dominated by people who do not have the educational tools with which to evaluate different claims, and thus are more susceptible to scare tactics. (And, Lord, trust me: A university degree is NOT a given in terms of making one science literate. Think of those lame GE requirements for non-science people. [shudder]) I also think they just want to avoid equipment and evaluations they don't understand anyway, and are thus scary to them. So, someone telling them that they don't need any of it must be seductive.
Like, me? I love blood tests, I love every evaluation, every measurement, every number I can get my hands on in assessing where Vengeance and I are in our journey together. I enjoy looking it all up and making sense of the charts in my file at the OB office. It all helps me figure out what to be calm about, what to feel reassured about, what to be concerned about, and what info (yes, some of it from evil doctors and evil Western medicine ;-P) to chuck and trust that I feel all is well. But I am in the minority.

Meanwhile, in microecon, I'm trying to develop an articulation on how bad math skills. You've probably seen bumper stickers with the above quoted. There's a real point there.
Specifically, I'm looking at interest rates, compounding, adjustable mortgage rates, and how much even a quarter-point change in rates affects household fiscal health. Econ loves to assume a Rational Being makes the best decisions, but my argument is that one who needs better math skills cannot perform as said Rational Being.
I see book after book to get you in touch with your emotional issues around money and treat some bad financial habits like another mental disorder. For some, such methods could be helpful. But I think there are plenty of people who just use more basic, non-psychotic levels of defense mechanisms like rationalization and denial to justify the decisions they want to make while lacking the math skills to calculate just how much risk they are putting themselves into based on wrong-headed assumptions.
(Note: Many professional stock investors also exhibit bad assumptions. So all groups of people display some erroneous ideas about money.)
In good-math news, I applaud the geeks over at "Futurama": In an ep J and I watched recently, Fry goes to his old 1999 bank to see if he has any money left. The teller informs him that he had $0.93 in his account before he was cryogenically frozen and brought into the year 3000. Plus 2.25% APR in interest. For the past 1000 years. Which gives him...$4.3-billion! I asked J, who was already at the 'puter, to check the math. Accurate!!! LOL! And *that's* the power of compounding! ;-)

Another Quiz

2004-07-05T15:19:04Z

Big thanks to skullauren for the URL:
http://hokev.brinkster.net/quiz/default.asp?quiz=Better+Personality&page=1

Well, I guess we know why I suck at being a cog in the Zehrs machine who gets told when she can eat or go to the bathroom...I would say this description lacks nuance and is an extreme take on a certain side of me, but I wouldn't label it "wrong," either. Also, b/c of the career focus, I answered it more in terms of my work style, rather than social style, like I did for my last round with Myers-Briggs.

ETA: I've been thinking a lot abt why my current job is so horrible for me, besides the physical pain, and there are definite issues that make it different from H&R. After H&R, I thought I liked interacting with people, that a job with a definite social aspect was for me. Ah, but things are not so simple. One issue is just volume. At H&R, I might have 10 clients in a full 8-hour shift. At Zehrs, I easily see 100 in a 5-hour shift.
(That's one thing that makes me so upset abt people's impatience: We have a clock that times to the second, so I know just how long it takes me to get an order through, and I'm telling all you sighers and finger-tappers that we process three-digit-dollar orders in three fucking minutes. So chill.)
But more importantly, my role was very different, despite both requiring customer service. Doing taxes, I was in the role of Expert/Teacher, explaining how things work, helping make sense of a confusing system for people. I find this kind of role very enjoyable; it was like all the aspects of teaching that I liked in grad school w/o any of the crap of making a syllabus, tests, or grading papers, which I loathed. I also was respected in that role for my knowledge and ability to get people to understand.
As a cashier, people are exceedingly rude and short-tempered, blaming me for things I cannot help. A part of me finds it amusing that I see more rage in a grocery store directed at me than I did doing taxes, an activity that many people would start by telling me how much they HATED doing taxes. They also interfere with my systems for doing things, have no respect for any notion that I might know better than they as to how to run their order through, and a set 33-ish% are very high maintenance, full of demands over how things are to be bagged, loaded, and so on.
I think my results here today reflect my severe incompatibility with such a job role, and my answers were a bit of venting over what I wish I were doing.

"Wackiness: 32/100
Rationality: 38/100
Constructiveness: 32/100
Leadership: 68/100

You are an SEDL--Sober Emotional Destructive Leader. This makes you a dictator. You prefer to control situations, and lack of control makes you physically sick. You feel have responsibility for everyone's welfare, and that you will be blamed when things go wrong. Things do go wrong, and you take it harder than you should.

You rely on the validation and support of others, but you have a secret distrust for people and distaste for their habits and weaknesses that make you keep your distance from them. This makes you very difficult to be with romantically. Still, a level-headed peacemaker can keep you balanced.

Despite your fierce temper and general hot-bloodedness, you have a soft spot for animals and a surprising passion for the arts. Sometimes you would almost rather live by your wits in the wilderness somewhere, if you could bring your books and your sketchbook.

You also have a strange, undeniable sexiness to you. You may go insane."

Happy Fourth of July!

2004-07-04T14:57:37Z

I don't get work today, which is bad financially, but best for my feet, which have been regressing back to pre-orthotic levels of pain, including spreading to the bones and other tendons.
But it's nice to have the holiday off and go to Niagara for fireworks.

I have a paid membership at Fertility Friend's preggo site, so I get fun ::cough:: daily and weekly updates on your baby and your body.
Here, now in Week 20, I get: "In the next ten weeks your weight gain will increase more rapidly as your baby grows and develops layers of fat. This is when you will gain about half of your total weight during your pregnancy."
Well, at least it explains all the the crampy growth. Since June 17, my waist has grown two inches. For some perspective, it took the first 17 weeks of the pregnancy for my waist to grow two inches. Now it's done the same growth in two weeks. It hurts. And now they say it'll be like this for 2.5 months? Sigh.
And here I thought I wouldn't read anything worse than the line two weeks ago, when I was cramping from another growth spurt: "Your uterus is now the size of a cantaloupe." Fucking great.
But at least we get a u/s on Tuesday. :)
And I've been officially kicked.

Watching ESPN's coverage of the Competitive Cheerleading Championships. Never seen this before. These are teams that are not affiliated with any school, but rather a training gym. They never ever cheer at anyone's game, just practice for competitions, and the winner will go on to the World Championship.
Um, I can see decent Canuck and Japanese teams, but do three countries a "World" sport make? ;-P Japanese love the cutie-pie, teeny-tiny girl aspect of it, and have a decent gymnastics tradition. Canucks actually play American football, so they have a reason to have regular cheer squads, but I'm dying to see who else fields teams for such an uber-American sport.
B/c it's all about gym affiliation, these squads are basically All Stars, so you get a 30-girl high-school-age squad where everyone can do a standing back tuck, which would be pretty impossible to field even at a giant, 5,000-student school.
These gyms have programs that start at age 4, and the girls just stay there and keep competing in ever-higher levels. They're pretty amazing. Unlike co-ed teams that can feature three guys tossing a 90-lbs girl 25 feet in the air, these emphasize more tumbling, dance, and stunts/pyramids that are more about intricate balance and effects, rather than raw strength. The second-place team did this series of heel stretches that the flyer held while her bases twirled her 360 degrees in a corkscrew move. Damn.

Happy Canada Day

2004-07-01T21:52:48Z

Liked "Spider-Man 2."
Good that for once the villain wasn't a laugh track.
Bad that Sam Raimi's loud, one-note Jonah was on screen too much. I tired of him after a point.
Good that big developments occurred already in this film, instead of dragging them out to movies 3 or 4.
Bad that Kirsten Dunst refused to wear a bra the whole movie except when M.J. was in costume (by which I mean multiple, spoilerous meanings). It makes me see Ms. Dunst, instead of her character. Surely, some of the roles she had were portraying young women who believe in bras, no? ;-P Well, Torrance always had a sports bra on.
Amusing: The big Neo moment in the film. "Nobody makes it on the first jump," I whispered to J as soon as he was on that rooftop.

Something to Smile About

2004-06-30T17:19:59Z

Well, I was smiling until LJ lost my post about my fave Cali family. Now, in a rush, all I get to say is Maia home, Aidan improving, family being taken care of by GIANT support network falling all over themselves to help mommas and twinkies.

NYT article on (invisible) lesbian influence on fashion, from "boybeaters" on women, shag haircuts, and costumer Patricia Field of "Sex & the City."

By GUY TREBAY

Published: June 27, 2004

GO scrounging through the visual imagery that defines gay women in the popular imagination and the stereotypes are as predictable in their own way as Carson Kressley is in his, and a lot less goofy-cute. There is the Miss Jane Hathaway type in tweeds and brogues. There is the luggage-tanned Dinah Shore Golf Classic gal in a visor and pleated khaki shorts. There are the softball catcher with her cap turned backward and the clanking motorcycle mama in engineer's boots. And, of course, there is Rosie O'Donnell, in boxy suits that look like advertisements for a Big & Tall store.

It was not long ago that the print and electronic media began registering the existence of so-called lipstick lesbians, and a phrase like "lesbian fashion" stopped being an outright oxymoron. When the Showtime series "The L Word" began in January, it showed that — far from being frumps doomed to Manolo Blahnik deficiency — lesbians are a powerful presence in fashion, in both predictable and unexpected ways.

The old stereotypes have not faded. But they have slipped into something decidedly cool. "I have this theory that lesbians start certain fashion things," said Stephanie Perdomo, the creator of a new collection of action figures called Dykedolls, which will be sold on the Internet starting in July. "I used to go around Williamsburg and see guys wearing wifebeaters, wallet chains, gas station shirts and trucker hats, and I would think, `We used to do that five years ago,' " Ms. Perdomo said.

In the mid-90's, at Manhattan all-girl bars like Meow Mix, patrons tended to dress a lot like Ms. Perdomo's $65 Bobbie doll. They got themselves up in ironic homage to a form of masculinity that barely exists outside the World Wrestling Entertainment tour. Bobbie comes with a wardrobe typical of women who dress like long-haul truckers, who look as though they could give masculinity pointers to Ashton Kutcher. But butch girls are only part of the story, as the women on the "The L Word" make plain. The cast, explained Ilene Chaiken, the show's creator and executive producer, is given considerable latitude in dressing the characters, and several of its members, both gay and straight, turn out to be billboards for a sexually flexible style you could characterize as L. A Tomboy.

The unofficial headquarters for that look is Fred Segal, a Los Angeles specialty retailer, which is where, as Mayer Rus, the design editor of House & Garden, sniped, "gorgeous teenage spokesmodels sell $800 T-shirts artistically deconstructed by a commune of blind surfers." Perhaps the sewing skills of blind surfers do attract Hollywood stars of the Brad Pitt, Jennifer Aniston variety to the store. More likely, they are lured by the way the store's buyers offhandedly blur the boundaries between men's and women's wear.

One buyer, Nina Garduno, who is gay, is critical of how narrowly most women's wear designers define sexiness in dress. "It is not at all that I cater to gay women or that I want a woman to look like a guy," said Ms. Garduno, the buyer for Fred Segal's men's wear department, where women compete with men for the latest offerings. "But a lot of designers miss the boat on what women want to wear, since sexiness in clothes, for this gay woman at least, boils down to an innate confidence in sexuality."

It is the confidence, she explained, to pair a "wifebeater T shirt with a pair of Helmut Lang flat-front pants," the way Ms. Garduno's girlfriend, the actress Leisha Hailey of "The L Word," does. "So many things come out of an L. A. gay women's look," Ms. Garduno said. "Whether it's ultimately worn by a gay woman or a straight woman, straight guy, gay man, bisexual or whatever, it's really sophisticated, and it's sexy."

Ms. Hailey's "L Word" character, Alice, a magazine writer, also wears a choppy boyish shag, a hairdo first spotted on women in Hollywood gay bars a few years back. The celebrity hairstylist Sally Hershberger gave Meg Ryan a version of the cut, and it was soon adopted by women across the country, presumably unaware that the style originated among fashionable lesbians.

It is the subtle incorporation of butch and femme dualities — the traditional poles of lesbian sartorial identity — into mainstream fashion that most clearly signals the influence of gay women in the garment industry, a group that few outside the business are aware of. "There are a lot of gay women working in fashion, obviously, and they approach it as gay women, and that fashion is then consumed by a much larger culture," Ms. Chaiken said.

"What makes their work lesbian fashion?" Ms. Chaiken said. "It's probably that they are celebrating that play with gender, that provocative style that pulls from rock 'n' roll, boy icons of the past, the street and the high-end couture type glamour, but that starts with a lesbian sensibility."

In a business that often seems creatively dominated by gay men, the idea of lesbians still has the power to startle. "There is this almost total silence about gay women," said Valerie Steele, the museum director at the Fashion Institute of Technology.

The cause is not too mysterious, said one top level executive in the beauty industry, who wished to remain anonymous. "As lesbians, we feel our place in fashion is tenuous, and so the presumption is perpetuated that we don't exist," she said.

With men in fashion, the award-winning knitwear designer Liz Collins said, "it's almost a given that they are gay," whereas lesbians, if they are thought to exist, are depicted as "independent or strong." Her own lesbianism is, she said, "an important part of my design inspiration, because I am more inspired at a gut level by women's bodies than by a cut or a silhouette, which is probably true of a lot of women designers, gay or not."

Unlike straight women designers, however, those in Ms. Collins's position are often forced to contend with the usual prejudices, not least the intractable dowdiness of lesbian stereotypes. "Some of the most stylish women are lovers of women, as opposed to lovers of men," Ms. Collins said. If they choose to keep their preferences private, it is because invisibility can seem preferable to outright discrimination, she added, or else to "preconceptions about lesbian style that are pretty horrible."

That gay women not only exist but also exert considerable sway has only begun to be acknowledged. "It's wild, if you think about it, that the woman who defined how straight women dressed in this millennium on "Sex and the City" is a lesbian," said Roger Padilha, creative director of the fashion production company MAO PR.

Mr. Padilha was referring to the designer Patricia Field, whose costumes often served as uncredited characters on the HBO series. "Go out to the clubs on a Friday night, and the women are dressed like characters from `Sex and the City.' " Mr. Padilha said. "Pat brought a lot of dyke sensibility to the show," he added, citing the do-rags, newsboy caps and the outlandishly femme jewel-box ballerina outfits that Ms. Field provided for Sarah Jessica Parker to wear.

Amanda Moore, one of the most successful of fashion models, said, "People tend to have this image of what gay is, especially when it comes to women." Since leaving Pensacola, Fla., Ms. Moore has appeared on nearly every designer runway and remains a darling of photographers and editors. She is also uncommonly open about her sexuality. "Just because I choose to love women and don't dress the part of a model doesn't mean that I'm not very good at what I do," said Ms. Moore, whose own style epitomizes androgynous slacker cool.

If same-sex unions have proved anything, it is that the old stereotypes are looking frayed. Homosexual social identities turn out to be as plural as those of any other group. And the day seems not far off when gay style, like gay radar, will go the way of any other artifact of minority status. "The gay gene for fashion is like the gay gene for musicals," said Ms. Steele of the Fashion Institute of Technology. "It doesn't exist."

What does, however, she added, "is the reality that being an outsider heightens awareness." And, if outsider status tends "to give one access to a slightly subcultural feel, based on what turns you on," Ms. Steele said, a style can also emerge from that awareness and then migrate into the culture at large. The truth of that proposition is well understood by designers from Seventh Avenue to the Avenue Montaigne.

"Lesbians seem to play with gender roles a lot," Mr. Padilha said. That playfulness sometimes turns up in unexpected quarters. When Tom Ford hired the model Eleonora Bose for a Gucci campaign three years back, some expressed shock at Ms. Bose's biker haircut and masculine way of posing. "A lot of people criticized the look as a little bit aggressive," Mr. Ford said at the time. The clothes were "about this masculine-feminine mood," he explained, and in the butch-styled but heterosexual Ms. Bose he had found the "personification of what is in the air."

But has it not always been there? A distinct lesbian style, Ms. Steele said, has evolved markedly through the last century. "In the 1940's, there was a butch-femme polarization," she said. "In the 60's and 70's it spread more toward this androgyny that fitted the mainstream feminist look." In the 80's, a prettied-up version of lesbian stereotypes took hold. The 90's were marked by the emergence of drag kings, whose gender games were quickly sampled by designers like Jean Paul Gaultier. When the model Erin O'Connor posed for a Moschino campaign, playing both a flamenco dancer in ruffles and a toreador with side whiskers, she proved the proposition put forward by Dr. Suzanna Walters, the director of feminist studies at Georgetown University, that "sexualities once literally outlaw are now rendered as sartorial motifs."

Dr. Walters termed the process the commodification of difference. And the Moschino design house was hardly the first to work the terrain. The director Josef von Sternberg commodified difference to sublime effect in the 1930's, creating in Marlene Dietrich a prototype for the glamour puss empowered by trousers. It took half a century before there was any consensus about the lesbian origins of Dietrich's cross-dressing. The lag time would be a lot shorter today.

Still, the least obvious conclusion to be drawn from the Von Dutch trucker cap phenomenon might be that it originated among a bunch of gender-obsessed young lesbians — the prototypes for Bobbie the Dykedoll. "Trucker hats, wallet chains, cowboy boots and straw Stetsons, all that started with gay women and was transformed into street fashion," said Rebecca Weinberg, a former stylist for "Sex and the City." About the last people to get hold of the look were heterosexual men, added Suzanne Ethier, a Manhattan retailer, whose vintage store, Rags-a-GoGo, is tube-sock central. "The straight boys didn't realize that they were rocking a style that originated with a bunch of dykes," Ms. Ethier said.

It is often like that. Last fall's Paris runway season opened with Undercover, a label created by the Japanese cult designer Jun Takahashi. Seated in the front row was Sarah Lerfel, who owns the Right Bank emporium Colette. Before the show started, Ms. Lerfel was asked if she thought the tomboy look popular with patrons of Le Pulp, a Parisian women's bar, had not been having a surprising effect on style. She smiled indulgently.

Then the lights dimmed, the D. J. cued Patti Smith on the turntable, and a parade of models appeared in slashed jeans, flat shoes and mannish jackets, clothes that were hip and sexy tough, vulnerable and imposing, just the sort of stuff one might expect a fashionable young lesbian to wear.